If and when you need a cake, be it for a wedding, birthday or similar celebratory event, do you make one or buy one? Assemble the necessary ingredients and create a stunning masterpiece, or buy a pre-made effort from one of the big name supermarkets?
The reason I ask is because William, a pre-made cake in Sainsbury’s, asked me to ask you. You see, he wanted to know what us humans prefer in a cake, and to let us all know of the struggle that cakes face every day. According to William, there are over six cakes baked worldwide every year, and while that is a huge understatement, is still true. William makes sense. William is a truly remarkable cake, and wants his time to shine.
This is William, the optimistic cake.
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Hello, my name is William! Some people call me Victoria, but they’re just making terrible, obvious jokes related to cake names. I call these people Nicks, because Nick is the name of a guy who makes makes terrible, obvious jokes.
I’m a birthday cake, for a ten-year-old. I was baked a week ago, and am feeling the age spread over my icing, like jam on a sandwich. But I don’t let old age get me down; with age comes wisdom, and a pension! Although cakes don’t really have much use for a pension… Oh well, I’m sure it’ll all work itself out when the time comes, in a day or two.
I’ve been sat on the shelf with all the other cakes in Sainsbury’s since my bakeday, just waiting for that eager ten-year-old boy or girl to look up at me and say, “Can I have that one, oh please? Look, it’s got balloons on and everything!” I’m quite proud of my balloons.
As you can imagine, being a cake is quite a lonely life. You have no parents or siblings and can’t make friends, because you have no mouth to speak with. That’s why a lot of cakes suffer from depression, especially the cakes near the back, and often go stale prior to their marked use by date. But not me! I’ve always thought, life’s pretty dull already, what’s the point in adding to it by just giving up as soon as you’re out of the oven? I was at the back early on, but over hours and hours and days and days, I’ve gradually been brought forward as humans have purchased other cakes, who I like to think of as friends, but aren’t really.
The other thing about cakes is that, because of the lack of talking, we often find ourselves thinking a lot. We think about all sorts of things, but in the last few hours I’ve been thinking mainly about home made cakes. What are they like? Do they have boxes? Do they taste different? How long do they last before they go stale? These questions have been buzzing around my top layer and I can’t stop thinking about them, I’m so curious. Perhaps home made cakes can talk..?
The only way I’ll know is if I am sold to the right family, one that makes cakes. In particular, one that makes a cake while I’m in the kitchen, which would be silly really because they’ll already have a cake!
Wha- …oh, I’m at the very front now! It shouldn’t be too much longer before I’m sold! Hopefully, seeing as it’s nearing closing time, there’ll be a panicking family in desperate need of a ten-year-old’s birthday cake. I’ve seen it happen a few times before.
Well, I think you’re going to have to leave now, it’s nearly closing time. Unless you need me for someone’s birthday party? ..Ok, no problem! Oh, on the way out, if you see any families with small children, could you point me out? Thanks a bundle! Won’t see you again, but it was lovely meeting you! Take care!
